Becoming more of an Influencer

Displaying warmth with strength is key to making us more influential. Most men have perceived strength, women warmth. But we need both for successful relationship in both business and in life.

You can’t fake it. It must come from ‘inside-out’. We need to build our own self-belief that we have the skills and strategies to cope with most things that are chucked at us in life. From this inner strength of self-belief, it allows us to relax and let our warmth and strength shine through.

I am reading the book “Compelling people – the hidden qualities that make us influential” by John Neffinger and Matthew Kohut.

The book introduces us to a key concept of the inner circle: We can most effectively persuade when we are accepted ‘within the circle’ — i.e. that we have understanding and empathy for their position (warmth). Only then can our argument be listened to (strength). They define three steps: Acknowledge, Empathise then Lead.


If we feel strong, we do not feel threatened and so can relax and be warm. Strength comes from confidence in our ability. Warmth helps us connect. For us to fully engage with others, we need first to be strong inside. There is a great power when both warmth and strength work together. People then have ‘presence’. We have deeper relationships with those around us and achieve much more. This results in a positive spiral up.

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