There’s a moment in every leader’s life that becomes a mirror. Mine happened years ago. Emotions took control.

We were behind schedule—again. Pressure from above was rising, customers were waiting, and my own stress levels were peaking. During a project review with one of my team members, they offered what I interpreted as yet another excuse. Something inside me snapped. My voice sharpened, my tone tightened, and for a few seconds, my emotions were leading the meeting—not me.

The expression on their face said everything: shock, hurt, confusion.

And in that instant, even before I finished speaking, I knew I had crossed a line.
Not because of the content of what I said—but because of the way I said it.

We often imagine “leadership mistakes” as big decisions, strategic missteps, or organisational failures. But sometimes they are far more human, far more subtle, and far more personal.

This one became a turning point.

The true cost of losing your cool

Emotional outbursts don’t just damage the moment—they damage trust.

• They create distance.
• They make people hesitate.
• They silence voices you desperately need to hear.

I’ve coached hundreds of leaders since then, and I now know something that I didn’t understand clearly back then:

Outbursts are rarely about the person in front of you.
They are about the system around you — and the state within you.

(If this resonates, you may also appreciate my earlier post on negativity loops and emotional contagion in teams — a dynamic more common than we like to admit.)

Looking back, my reaction wasn’t truly about the delay.
It was about pressure, misalignment, unclear expectations, and my own internal stress.
But I projected all of that outward.

That’s what unregulated emotions do.

The repair work — and why it matters

After that meeting, I sat alone and replayed the moment. I realised that leadership isn’t about always being right — it’s about always being responsible.

Here’s what I did next — the same steps I now teach leaders everywhere:

1. Pause & reflect

Not on the delay — on my emotional response.
What triggered me? Why? What pattern was I in?

2. Take full ownership

I invited the team member back in and apologised without justification:
“I’m sorry. The way I spoke wasn’t fair. That’s on me.”

3. Listen to their reality

I let them share how the moment landed.
This part requires courage — and humility.

4. Rebuild trust

Words matter. Consistency matters more.

5. Strengthen emotional resilience

For me, this meant better boundaries, clearer expectations, and practices that regulate the nervous system — something I now embed deeply in my leadership work.

Why this matters in today’s world

We live in a VUCA environment: volatile, uncertain, complex, ambiguous.
Pressure is constant.
Speed is relentless.
Expectations only go up.

And here’s the unspoken truth:
Leaders crack not because they’re weak — but because the system is heavy.

This is why emotional intelligence is not a “soft skill.”
It is a survival skill.
It is a performance skill.
It is a leadership skill.

Regulating your emotions is not about being calm all the time.
It’s about being conscious of the impact you have — especially when things get rough.

Moving forward

Since that day, I’ve dedicated a large part of my work to helping leaders navigate these moments.
Not by suppressing emotions — but by understanding them, making sense of them, and transforming them into awareness, empathy, and stronger leadership presence.

Emotional resilience is learned.
Self-leadership is learned.
Calm is practiced.

You don’t have to figure it out alone.

Need some help?

If you recognise yourself in this story — or fear you’re one difficult conversation away from a similar moment — you’re not alone.

I help leaders:

• build emotional resilience
• navigate conflict with confidence
• reset unhealthy patterns
• turn reactivity into clarity
• create psychologically safe teams

Simply reach out — sometimes one conversation can change the course of your leadership. Contact me