Above the waterline: what others experience

The visible part of the leadership iceberg contains two closely connected elements.

Behaviour and decisions

This includes what a leader does, or does not do:

• Setting priorities
• Making decisions
• Delegating responsibility
• Giving feedback
• Responding to mistakes
• Managing conflict
• Following through on commitments

These actions communicate what really matters. A leader may say that experimentation is encouraged, for example, but react critically when the first experiment fails. Employees will usually believe the visible behaviour more than the stated intention.

Communication and tone

Communication includes much more than words. Employees also notice:

• Whether the leader listens or interrupts
• Which questions they ask
• Their tone, facial expression and body language
• How transparently they communicate
• What they repeatedly emphasise
• What they avoid discussing
• How they respond under pressure

Even silence communicates. When a leader does not address an important concern, employees will often create their own explanation.

Because leaders have formal authority, their behaviour and communication are amplified. A brief dismissive response can reduce psychological safety across an entire team. A calm and curious response to difficult news can encourage honesty and shared responsibility.

Beneath the waterline: what shapes the response

The larger part of the iceberg is less visible. Some of it may also be outside the leader’s immediate awareness.

Interpretation and assumptions

Leaders do not respond directly to reality. They respond to their interpretation of it.

A missed deadline might be interpreted as a lack of commitment, poor planning, insufficient capability or a sign that the workload is unrealistic. Each interpretation invites a different response.

In coaching, I therefore help leaders separate observation from interpretation:

• What actually happened?
• What meaning did you give it?
• What did you assume about the other person?
• Which alternative explanations might also be possible?

This distinction can fundamentally change a conversation.

Emotions and triggers

Pressure, uncertainty and conflict activate emotional responses. A leader may feel anxious, frustrated, disappointed, threatened or powerless—even when the only visible sign is a sharper tone, withdrawal or increased control.

Emotions are not leadership failures. They provide information about what a person perceives to be important or at risk.

When a leader can notice, “I am becoming anxious, and my instinct is to take control,” a small but important space appears between the trigger and the response. Inside that space, the leader has a choice.

Values and needs

Leaders are influenced by what they value and need. This might include fairness, achievement, stability, autonomy, recognition, belonging or trust.

A strong desire for reliability may lead to useful structure and clarity. Under pressure, the same desire may become excessive monitoring. A commitment to harmony may help a leader build relationships, but it may also make necessary conflict more difficult.

The value itself is usually not the problem. The question is whether the leader is expressing it consciously and constructively.

Identity and beliefs

At a deeper level, leaders carry beliefs about themselves, other people and leadership:

• “A good leader always has the answer.”
• “Showing doubt will undermine confidence.”
• “If I do not stay in control, quality will suffer.”
• “Conflict damages relationships.”
• “People cannot be trusted until they have proved themselves.”
• “I am responsible for solving every problem.”

These beliefs operate like internal leadership scripts. They influence which behaviours feel natural, uncomfortable or impossible.

Leadership development becomes more sustainable when leaders learn to recognise and examine these scripts instead of automatically following them.

Purpose, experience and system context

At the base of the iceberg lie formative experiences, personal purpose and the environment in which the leader works.

Previous successes and failures shape current expectations. Organisational culture, incentives, workload, hierarchy and senior-management pressure also influence behaviour.

What appears to be an individual communication problem may therefore be partly sustained by the surrounding system. I use the iceberg model to explore this interaction—not to psychoanalyse or blame the leader.

How I use the model in leadership coaching

I usually begin with a specific leadership moment: a difficult conversation, a decision that created resistance, feedback that was not well received or a situation in which the leader became more controlling or withdrawn.

We first examine the visible layer:

• What did you do?
• What did you say?
• What did other people observe?
• What was the effect?

We then move beneath the waterline:

• What did you believe was happening?
• What were you feeling?
• What were you trying to achieve, protect or avoid?
• Which value or need was important to you?
• Which belief about leadership influenced your response?
• How did the organisational context contribute?

Finally, we return above the surface and consider a more deliberate response.

The initial hurdles leaders need to overcome

Using the iceberg model can appear straightforward. In practice, however, looking beneath the surface asks something different of leaders.

Leaders are usually accustomed to analysing external problems, making decisions and creating solutions. They may be less accustomed to examining their own internal processes. Several initial hurdles commonly emerge during coaching.

The first objective is not to take the leader as deep as possible. It is to create enough safety, curiosity and precision for honest reflection—while maintaining responsibility for the leader’s impact.

A recurring pattern in coaching

Consider a team that challenges an important change.

A leader may interpret the questions as resistance. This triggers anxiety about losing momentum. The leader values decisiveness and believes that a strong leader should project certainty. They therefore cut the discussion short and communicate the decision more forcefully.

Employees see impatience and limited openness. They become quieter, which the leader may then interpret as disengagement or a lack of ownership. The pattern reinforces itself.

In coaching, we can slow this sequence down. A more conscious response might be:

“I notice that I am interpreting these questions as resistance. I feel pressure to move quickly, and that is making me less open. Let me clarify what has already been decided, what remains open and which risks you believe we need to consider.”

The leader has not surrendered authority. They have made their internal process more conscious and converted it into clearer leadership.

Outcomes I have seen with clients

With some of my clients, working with the iceberg model has contributed to meaningful changes in how they lead.

Leaders have become better able to:

• Recognise emotional triggers before reacting
• Distinguish facts from assumptions
• Handle disagreement without immediately becoming defensive
• Replace micromanagement with clearer expectations and accountability
• Delegate with greater confidence
• Address difficult issues earlier and more directly
• Explain the reasoning behind decisions more transparently
• Remain curious and present during challenging conversations

These individual changes can also affect the wider team. When leaders become less reactive and more transparent, employees are often more willing to speak openly, raise concerns and take responsibility. Conversations become more constructive, and disagreements are less likely to become personal or remain unresolved.

The outcomes are not created by the model alone. The model provides a language and structure for the deeper reflection, experimentation and practice that development requires.

Five questions leaders can use

Leaders can apply the iceberg model by asking themselves:

1. What was observable?
   Describe the behaviour and communication without immediately judging them.
2. What interpretation did I make?
   Separate facts from assumptions and consider other possible explanations.
3. What was I feeling or protecting?
   Identify the emotion, need, value or perceived risk behind the response.
4. Which leadership belief was active?
   Ask what you believed you had to do, prove or prevent in that moment.
5. What response would better serve my purpose?
   Choose behaviour that fits both the situation and the leader you want to be.