What’s in Your Leadership “Shopping Cart”? Shaping Your Narrative for Growth

Have you ever stopped to think about the stories you tell yourself?

As a leader, how you define yourself—your narrative—shapes not just your personal identity but also your leadership style and how you navigate challenges. Here’s a provocative question: If you had to put your leadership identity in a shopping cart, what would you find?

Would it include your job title, accolades, or achievements? Maybe even fears or failures? Now imagine if you pushed that cart into a room full of your peers—how would it feel? Proud? Insecure? Defensive?

This concept of the “shopping cart” is a powerful metaphor for understanding how we build and carry our narratives. And as leaders, being mindful of what’s in our cart can mean the difference between stagnation and growth.

The Power of Narrative in Leadership

Your personal story—your narrative—affects how you show up every day as a leader.

For example, if you identify strongly with being “the expert,” you might struggle to delegate or collaborate. If your narrative focuses on past failures, you might hold back from taking risks or trying new approaches.

We all carry a “shopping cart” filled with aspects of our identity, both positive and negative. These might include:

• Positive items: Job titles, accomplishments, skills, relationships.
• Negative items: Past mistakes, perceived shortcomings, fears.

The problem arises when we confuse the contents of our cart with our true selves. For instance, a leader who identifies solely with their title (“CEO”) may feel threatened if others challenge their authority. Similarly, a leader who carries the weight of past failures (“I’m not cut out for this”) may avoid opportunities to grow or innovate.

A Practical Example: Sarah’s Leadership Story

Sarah, a high-performing executive, came to me feeling stuck. Despite her accomplishments, she often felt overshadowed by peers with more public recognition. Her shopping cart was filled with her achievements—but also her fear of being overlooked and her envy of others’ success.

Through coaching, Sarah realized that she had been defining herself primarily by external validation, like promotions and praise. She had let these items in her cart dictate her leadership choices, leading to self-doubt and competitiveness.

By shifting her perspective, Sarah began to see herself as more than her accolades. She learned to focus on the deeper values driving her leadership—like integrity, collaboration, and impact. This new narrative not only transformed how she saw herself but also how others experienced her as a leader.

The Delicate Work of Reframing Your Narrative

What if the story you’ve been telling yourself about who you are is the very thing holding you back?

As leaders, it’s not easy to reexamine the stories we’ve told ourselves, especially when they’ve served us well. However, true growth comes from stepping back and asking:

1. What’s in my shopping cart? Identify the beliefs, roles, and values that define you.
2. What’s holding me back? Look for items in your cart that limit your growth, like fears or outdated labels.
3. Who am I beyond the cart? Explore the deeper, unchanging values and principles that ground you as a leader.

This process isn’t just about self-awareness—it’s about rewriting your story to align with who you want to become. And it’s delicate work. It often requires a safe space and skilled guidance, making it ideal to explore with a professional coach.

How I Coach Leaders to Reframe Their Narrative

In a coaching session, I often begin with a simple yet powerful exercise (what Sarah and I did together during coaching):

1. Exploration
   We start by discussing the metaphor of the shopping cart. I ask questions like:
   • “What’s in your cart right now? Which items are you proud of?”
   • “Are there items in your cart that feel heavy or unhelpful?”
   • “Who added some of these items—was it you, your team, or external expectations?”
2. Awareness and Insight
   As the leader reflects, I guide them to notice patterns. For example:
   • Do certain items (like past mistakes) hold undue influence over their decisions?
   • Are they attaching their self-worth to roles or achievements?
   Together, we explore how these patterns influence their leadership behavior.
3. Reframing
   I then encourage the leader to reframe their narrative. For example, if they’ve been carrying the belief, “I need to prove myself,” we might work on shifting that to, “I already have value to offer.” This isn’t about dismissing the past but about recognizing that they can author a new story—one that aligns with their values and goals.
4. Action
   We identify practical steps to bring the new narrative to life. This might involve:
   • Delegating tasks to focus on higher priorities.
   • Practicing self-compassion when reflecting on past mistakes.
   • Building new habits that align with their ideal leadership identity.

Why This Matters for You as a Leader

The most powerful stories we will ever tell are the ones we tell about ourselves. When we change our narrative, we change our lives—and our leadership.

Leadership is demanding. The narrative you hold about yourself can either fuel your growth or become your biggest barrier. By intentionally reshaping your story, you can:

• Unlock greater confidence and resilience.
• Build stronger relationships with your team.
• Lead with clarity and authenticity.

The Power of Personal Narrative: Unlocking Leadership Potential

Our personal narratives serve as the framework through which we view ourselves and the world around us. As J. Christian Jensen highlights in his talk, the stories we craft define not only who we believe we are but also how we interact with others and tackle challenges. While these narratives can provide structure and meaning, they often limit us, anchoring us to outdated beliefs and constraining our potential for growth. The key to unlocking our leadership potential lies in rewriting these stories—challenging assumptions, embracing vulnerability, and allowing for change.

Leaders, in particular, must learn to rewrite their narratives to remain agile in today’s fast-paced world. Jensen’s insights remind us that leadership isn’t about being confined by past roles or accomplishments but about evolving into the person we need to be for the future. This process requires introspection, courage, and a willingness to break free from the stories that no longer serve us. Reframing our personal narratives creates space for resilience, innovation, and stronger connections with others.

To dive deeper into this transformative perspective, listen to the full audio of J. Christian Jensen’s talk here.

A Delicate, Transformative Process

Rewriting your narrative is deeply personal work. It requires honesty, courage, and often, the support of a professional coach. This is where transformation truly begins—not by emptying your shopping cart but by recognizing that you are more than its contents.

If you’re ready to explore how your story shapes your leadership—and how to rewrite it for the future—I invite you to connect with me. Together, we can uncover the leader you’re truly meant to be.

If you can relate to this story, why not take the next step in your leadership journey? Lets have a chat how meaningful coaching can be. Feel free to contact me to further discuss. Obviously no charges apply.

Also check this online course – it’s for free till the end of Feb-25 – Boost Your Self-Awareness – salomons.coach. It takes about an hour in total.