When leadership fails: The day I lost my cool and what it taught me about emotional resilience

It happened to me

I still remember the moment vividly. I was in a meeting with one of my subordinates, discussing a project that had been delayed for the third time. My frustration had been simmering for days, compounded by external pressures and looming deadlines. When they gave what I perceived as an excuse instead of a solution, I snapped. My voice raised, my tone sharp, I let my emotions take over.

The look on their face said it all—shock, hurt, and confusion. I had crossed a line. The worst part? I knew it the moment it happened. But in that instant, frustration clouded my judgment, and I let my emotions dictate my actions. It wasn’t my finest leadership moment.

When the meeting ended, I sat alone in my office, replaying the incident in my mind. The frustration I had directed outward now turned inward. I had let down not only my team member but also myself as a leader. I had always believed that great leaders remain composed under pressure, yet here I was, proving myself wrong.

The cost of emotional outbursts

Leaders are human, and sometimes emotions get the better of us. But emotional outbursts—especially those rooted in frustration—can erode trust, damage relationships, and undermine the credibility we’ve worked hard to build. For me, that incident was a wake-up call. It forced me to confront a hard truth: leadership isn’t just about managing others; it’s about managing yourself.

In hindsight, I realized my reaction wasn’t about the delay itself but about deeper frustrations—misaligned expectations, communication breakdowns, and my own stress levels. That outburst wasn’t about them; it was about me.

Steps to make it right

After reflecting on what had happened, I knew I had to take action—not only to repair the relationship but also to grow as a leader. Here’s the process I followed, and one I now coach others to use:

1. Pause and reflect: Before addressing the incident, I gave myself time to cool down and identify the real triggers behind my reaction.

2. Take responsibility: I scheduled a one-on-one with the team member and offered a genuine apology: “I’m sorry for the way I handled our discussion earlier. I let my frustration take over, and that wasn’t fair to you.”

3. Listen and Rebuild Trust: I gave them the space to express how they felt and reassured them of my support moving forward.

4. Learn and improve: I explored ways to manage my emotions under pressure, including mindfulness techniques and setting clearer expectations with my team.

Why emotional resilience matters

This experience taught me one of the most valuable lessons in leadership: emotional intelligence is just as important as strategic thinking. Leaders must learn to recognize and regulate their emotions, especially during high-stress situations. Losing your cool is a sign that something deeper needs addressing—whether it’s your expectations, communication processes, or even your own stress management.

Moving forward

Since that day, I’ve committed myself to helping other leaders avoid the same mistakes. Emotional resilience isn’t something we’re born with; it’s a skill we develop through self-awareness and practice. If you’ve ever had a similar experience—or fear you might—it’s time to take charge of your emotions and learn strategies to lead with composure, even in challenging circumstances.

Let me help you

If you’ve struggled with difficult situations or challenging personalities in your workplace, you’re not alone. I offer coaching services designed to help leaders build emotional resilience and navigate tough conversations with confidence. Additionally, my online course, “Dealing with Difficult Personalities,” provides practical tools and strategies to turn conflict into collaboration.

Reach out today to start your journey toward stronger, more balanced leadership—or visit salomons.coach to learn more about my services and resources.