We often start a conversation by asking, \u201cWhat do you do?\u201d It seems harmless, but it shows how much our work has become part of who we are. Simone Stolzoff challenges this idea. He reminds us that when our identity depends too much on our job, we risk burnout, frustration, and losing balance in life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
His message is clear: your job should support your life, not define it. It\u2019s okay to have a \u201cgood-enough\u201d job if it gives you space to enjoy other parts of who you are\u2014family, friends, hobbies, health, and growth.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
In this post, I explore how we can change the way we see work\u2014from something we worship to something we partner with. What would it look like if work served us, instead of the other way around? And what could that mean for how we live, lead, and find real success?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
But watch the video first! Why your job should support your life \u2014 not define it<\/strong> In his TED Talk \u201cHow to Reclaim Your Life from Work,\u201d<\/em> Simone Stolzoff explores this question with refreshing honesty. He reminds us that while work can give meaning, belonging, and purpose, it should never consume our entire sense of self. When it does, we risk losing balance, creativity, and even our relationships.<\/p>\n\n\n\n As someone who has spent decades leading teams, developing leaders, and coaching executives, I\u2019ve seen this pattern often: good people become trapped in their own professional identity. They believe being busy equals being valuable. They work harder, stay longer, and expect fulfillment in return \u2014 but often, it doesn\u2019t come. And yes, this also happened to my when I was 50 years old.<\/p>\n\n\n\n In today\u2019s VUCA world \u2014 volatile, uncertain, complex, and ambiguous \u2014 work moves fast and expectations keep rising. Leaders must be agile, resilient, and always \u201con.\u201d Many tell me they feel stretched between being the leader their team needs and the person they want to be outside work.<\/p>\n\n\n\n It\u2019s a subtle shift that happens over time:<\/p>\n\n\n\n Bit by bit, our work starts to define us. We stop asking what we<\/em> need and start asking what the company needs \u2014 as if they were the same thing.<\/p>\n\n\n\n But they\u2019re not.<\/p>\n\n\n\n When our job becomes our identity, we give it power over our self-worth. A bad meeting can ruin our day. A critical email can shake our confidence. A missed target can feel like personal failure. I\u2019ve coached leaders who said things like:<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cIf I\u2019m not performing at work, I feel like I\u2019m failing as a person.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n That\u2019s a heavy burden.<\/p>\n\n\n\n And it\u2019s not just personal. When leaders tie their identity too tightly to their job, it often trickles down to the team. They create cultures of overwork and perfectionism \u2014 where people compete to prove their value instead of collaborate to create value. In such environments, mistakes are feared instead of discussed, and people feel replaceable instead of respected.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Simone Stolzoff\u2019s message is simple but powerful:<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cLet your job be a<\/em> part of your life \u2014 not the whole story.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n He suggests we aim for what he calls a \u201cgood-enough\u201d job \u2014 one that provides stability and meaning, but still leaves room for life outside work. That doesn\u2019t mean lowering your ambition or caring less; it means caring wiser<\/em>. It\u2019s about building an identity that is larger than your business card.<\/p>\n\n\n\n In my own coaching practice, I often ask leaders:<\/p>\n\n\n\n At first, many find these questions uncomfortable. But once they reflect, they rediscover parts of themselves they had forgotten \u2014 curiosity, creativity, humor, connection, or simply rest.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Leaders are particularly vulnerable to the \u201cwork-as-identity\u201d trap. We are rewarded for results, speed, and visibility. We\u2019re told to be role models \u2014 but what we often model is overcommitment.<\/p>\n\n\n\n I once coached a senior manager who proudly said, \u201cMy team knows I\u2019m always available.\u201d When leaders fail to protect their own balance, they unintentionally give permission for others to do the same. The result is a culture where exhaustion becomes a badge of honor and recovery feels like weakness.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Stolzoff invites us to move from worshipping<\/em> work to partnering<\/em> with it. A healthy partnership with work means:<\/p>\n\n\n\n When leaders model this mindset, they create psychologically safe teams where people can perform and<\/em> grow \u2014 not at the cost of one another.<\/p>\n\n\n\n A practical reflection to help you reclaim life from work<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n This exercise helps you visualize where your energy goes today \u2014 and what might need to change to create more balance, meaning, and space for yourself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Step 1 \u2013 Draw your circle.<\/strong> Step 2 \u2013 Divide your circle.<\/strong> Don\u2019t overthink it \u2014 just estimate what feels true today.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Step 3 \u2013 Label your ideal circle.<\/strong> Step 4 \u2013 Compare and reflect.<\/strong> Step 5 \u2013 Make one move.<\/strong> Write it down. Commit to it for two weeks. Reclaiming your life from work doesn\u2019t happen overnight. It\u2019s a practice \u2014 a series of small choices that, over time, shift the balance.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Here are a few reminders for the journey:<\/p>\n\n\n\n Interestingly, leaders who reclaim life from work often become better<\/em> at their jobs. When you stop tying your identity to performance, you lead with more clarity and empathy. You start listening better, delegating more, and trusting your people to grow.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Letting go of the illusion of control creates space for creativity and authentic connection \u2014 the very things that fuel high performance in a VUCA world.<\/p>\n\n\n\n If your worth is not your work, who are you then?<\/p>\n\n\n\n Your answer to that question might just be the beginning of a new kind of leadership \u2014 one that values being as much as doing, and life as much as success.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Reflection for leaders:<\/strong> If you feel the need for some help, lets talk first to see if I can be of help – its free. You can book 30 or 45 minutes with me to have a critical conversation about your needs and how coaching could help. Just try! <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" In today\u2019s fast-paced world, work easily takes center stage in our identity. Inspired by Simone Stolzoff\u2019s \u201cHow to Reclaim Your Life from Work,\u201d this reflection exercise helps you rebalance what truly matters. The Circle of You invites you to visualize how your time and energy are divided \u2014 and what your ideal balance would look like. By comparing the two, you\u2019ll see where small, meaningful shifts can begin. Your job should support your life, not define it. This exercise helps leaders and professionals take the first practical step toward balance, well-being, and authentic leadership.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":8179,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"video","meta":{"rs_blank_template":"","rs_page_bg_color":"","slide_template_v7":"","_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1,193,22],"tags":[255,348,396,337],"class_list":["post-10226","post","type-post","status-publish","format-video","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-blog","category-self-personal-growth","category-video","tag-burnout","tag-resilience","tag-wellbeing","tag-work-life-balance-2","post_format-post-format-video"],"aioseo_notices":[],"aioseo_head":"\n\t\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t
If you’re not on my blog, go here: TED Talk Simone Stolzoff on How to Reclaim Your Life from Work<\/a>.<\/p>\n\n\n\nReclaiming Your Life from Work<\/h2>\n\n\n\n
By Jan Salomons | salomons.coach | The Leadership Compass<\/em> (October 2025)<\/p>\n\n\n\nWhen work becomes identity<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
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The hidden cost<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
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What Stolzoff invites us to do<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
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The leadership trap<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
After some reflection, he realized what he was really saying was, \u201cMy team knows I have no boundaries.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\nFrom worship to partnership<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
That\u2019s exactly what modern leadership needs.<\/p>\n\n\n\n\n
Exercise: The Circle of You<\/em><\/h2>\n\n\n\n
Take a blank page and draw a large circle. This represents your whole life.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n
Inside the circle, draw slices like a pie chart showing how much space different parts of your life take right now.
Include areas such as:<\/p>\n\n\n\n\n
Next to it, draw a second circle \u2014 your ideal<\/em> one.
How would you like your energy and attention to be divided if life felt balanced and fulfilling?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Ask yourself:<\/p>\n\n\n\n\n
Choose one simple action to start shifting your balance \u2014 for example:<\/p>\n\n\n\n\n
Then, notice what changes \u2014 not just in your schedule, but in your energy, focus, and mood.<\/p>\n\n\n\nReclaiming your life \u2014 one choice at a time<\/h2>\n\n\n\n
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The paradox of letting go<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
A question to leave you with<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
What one boundary, habit, or conversation would help you reclaim more life from work \u2014 and what might that make possible for you and your team?
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Session Scheduler – salomons.coach<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n